First day of *NaNoMo (although here on Optimystical it’s NaBloPoMo – National Blog Posting Month) and more than a little bit of uncertainty flows through my being. Will I be able to keep my commitment to myself? Will my inherent lazy procrastination throw her weight around and will I end this month exactly where I began it; full of doubts, indecision and nothing written?
Of course I’m struck by the ridiculousness of this. I am the one holding the reins and I can gallop ahead into the unknown, choosing to feel the exhilaration of discovery and adventure, trusting in my own knowing. Or I can pull back to an almost standstill and trot in ever-endless circles, afraid that I don’t know enough, haven’t acquired the right skills, circling and circling the trench deeper and deeper…. You get the idea.
Funny, the horse image coming to me but I love it. I am remembering when my daughter was learning to ride and her strong fear to transition from the trotting she knew so well to the faster paced canter. Her inability to trust her very obvious inherent talent and capability to control her pony and sit the canter was holding her back from moving forward to a more joyful experience, and her frustration was growing. I even suggested that she quit riding for a while, but her determination to succeed was stronger than her fear and as I watched, my little seven-year old daughter became my teacher.
Her fierce persistence prevailed and she went on to become an internationally ranked equestrian and to amass Tupperware tubs full of championship titles and ribbons. (tubs that have finally moved from my garage to her own!)
And so I begin, with the vision of my four greatest teachers in my mind and every time I think of quitting, I will look at them, dig in my heels and carry on.
*NaNoMo is ‘National Novel writing Month’ – and although I’m not writing a piece of fiction I’m adopting and adapting this initiative to propel me to write the book I’ve been muddling with. The muddling is finished and the writing begins!