I have pulled away from much in my life. Slowing down, disconnecting from without to connect within. My blogging and tweeting life has been non-existent as I focus my energy on hearing and healing.
This does not mean that I have not been present in the tweeting stream or the blogging world. I have sometimes logged on to check in on the inter-connective world I seem to have put aside. I have floated unseen in the twitter stream and bookmarked several of my beloved blogs to read when my inner journey allows.
I take a sip of my chai latte and look up from my laptop at my corner table in Delaney’s. The little coffee shop is bustling with people and the bright background music competes with the buzz of conversation. A cocoon of noise that I would not have been able to tolerate in the years before my diagnosis in March 2010, and that even now almost induces me to leave. There are days when the stimulation of too many people causes my head to ache and the fog to descend. I have learned so much and recovery sometimes seems too slow. I am constantly practicing awareness, patience and acceptance.
There is a difference between exhaustion and sleepiness. Between being tired and being sleepy.
I’ve been working on healing the Severe Adrenal Fatigue that has plagued me since 2006 and which was finally diagnosed in early 2010.
The shattered illusion of my marriage was the first of five emotional ‘traumas’ to roll through my life in three short years. Added to that was a head injury which resulted in post concussion syndrome. No wonder my body reacted as if I were living through a wartime siege.
If I’d known then how to support my body and mind….
I’ve become somewhat of a born again self-care person. Suggesting and advising friends and family how to be mindful and support their adrenals when confronted with a stress challenge in life. Support the behind the scenes workers who struggle every minute to bring balance to the physical body while stressors of various kinds threaten to tip the scale into illness.
I’ve been writing this blog entry for close to a week now, ever since a dear twitter friend sent me a private message of concern, followed by a note from another bright light of support and friendship in my blogging world. The connections I’ve made in the online world mean much to me and that is what I miss dearly with this self-imposed withdrawal.
Each time my fingers start tapping a rhythm and before I know it five pages have gone by and I’m only just beginning. Writing is calling to me once more and now that I have pared down my obligations and taken the time to rest after a very full 2012, I can breathe and let the words come.
Limiting my time looking into the brain stimulating light of my laptop screen is one way I am coaxing sleep back into my life. Turning the lights out and closing my eyes in bed by 10pm is another new routine – something that was so foreign to me that it was the change I fought against the hardest. I have long been a night owl and often found it easiest to write into the wee hours of the morning. Allowing time for a transition I thought would never happen; to find the open doors to my creativity before night descends. I am so pleasantly surprised by the joy I now find in my quiet evenings with a book and my early to beds.
I am finding a balance and a new way of being. I am so incredibly grateful for all the gifts that each of the ‘traumas’ brought to my life. I am so grateful that I am fortunate to live in circumstances that afford me the opportunity to learn and to grow. And the time to release the hold that time may have on me.
And….if you find yourself being battered by stress, please take the time to support your body with good nutrition and supplements. Find a way to allow your mind and body to decompress. Everything is connected….