I’m sitting with a cup of tea in the Monday night quiet, reading the latest Still Sunday post by the shining Annie Q. My son Patrick sits at the kitchen table with his own cup of tea and his headphones on, listening to music as he works on his Art History homework. Shared stillness.
I take a bite of my salty seaweed snack and read some wisdom words that Annie’s mama told her; thoughts and observations about relationships and the importance of communication. Or rather, the importance of Important Communication.
“Make a commitment to the difficult conversations—not everything can be resolved at once but frequent kneading is necessary—and one may realize the life span of the relationship was barely a year and not seven.”
I wonder; would I have heard this a life time ago, when I was seventeen years old, a Damsel in Distress meeting her rescuing Knight? Would I have heard the meaning in these words short years later as I walked up the aisle to marry my Dark Knight?
Earlier today I’m sitting with my good friend of twenty-five years, drinking peppermint tea, looking at the view of the ocean and talking about relationships. We have a shared parallel history; we both married and had children very young, we both married narcissistic men, we were both horribly betrayed.
Yet, we are both ultimately grateful for the gift that those betrayals brought us – an awakening and freedom. An awakening from the illusion, delusion and chimera of our marriages and the freedom from the fantasy and the exhausting effort of maintaining those illusions. A freedom to live in Truth.
We shake our heads at how hard we worked to imagine our husbands’ as we wanted them to be, as we believed them to be. How difficult it was to see the glass ball of the illusion when we lived inside of it. A snow globe filled with falling lies.
If not for my Dark Knight, I wouldn’t have my four children. If not for the wounds my Dark Knight inflicted on me, I wouldn’t have fallen into my dark night of the soul and embarked on the most difficult and rewarding journey of my life. I wouldn’t have embarked on my Life.
This blog is, in part, my commitment to the difficult conversations in life. To not sweep aside the shattered shards of broken illusions, but, instead, to hold the blood covered pieces up to the light in examination and illumination. To show my children what is possible in a time of crisis. To show my children not to shy away from speaking the truth or initiating their own difficult conversations.
I am grateful for Annie Q’s mama. For the gift of her daughter. And for the gift of wisdom she imparts to her daughter. I aspire to be that kind of mama to my own children.